Becoming Indomitable

I've found what matters most in life, is how well we walk through hell, no matter how many times we have to go through it. We all experience some form of suffering and no matter the heaviness, we're forced to bring consistent light to our tragedies, our emptiness, our loneliness, and to our darkness. There … Continue reading Burning Brimstone

I often forget how long and hard life has been to get where I am today. The many sleepless nights, pain, shame, isolation, and sacrifice I've gone through. Did you know there are about 10,950 days in 30 years? Ten thousand days is an awfully long time to experience dark times. Often, I have to … Continue reading Forgiveness

My father never tried to get better or to be better. At any time I can remember in my life, even as a very young child, his goals were only to help himself. What I find so interesting about egocentric people is no matter how old they get, they never lose their level of self-absorption … Continue reading The Trouble With Dad

The problem with healing is its inconsistency. Sometimes I can't see past myself. When I started my healing process, I thought it would be this steady state progression, but in reality, that's not the case. There's some progress for a while, years even, and then stillness. Eventually, I can shift myself forward but it's not … Continue reading Pushing Through

Recently, I was on a resilience panel at work where we had to share ways to reach our goals. They chose several leaders in an effort to boost the culture and motivate employees. We were asked the same standard group of questions which were: 'What motivates you to reach your goals?' 'What motivates you when … Continue reading Maintaining Drive

When you've come from abuse you don't really know how to be yourself since, for your entire life, being yourself wasn't good enough. The real you had to be hidden or shut off. Our authenticity then becomes who we are supposed to be instead of who we are meant to be. As a result, we … Continue reading Getting Out of Survival Mode

Perhaps the most fascinating thing about us is how we protect ourselves. As we grow and develop so do our strategies to survive and win. When the chips are down in our lives, it's easier to be cunning, self-centered, a liar and a cheater than noble and kind, especially since the people in our lives … Continue reading Poisoned Protection

Have you ever heard of Cotard's Syndrome? Those that have it believe parts of their body are missing, that they are dead, dying or don't even exist. They truly believe this and will sometimes hurt themselves thinking they won't feel it since they're dead. Some will refuse to eat for the same reasons. Even when … Continue reading The Company We Keep

When I was in sixth grade I remember walking through the cafeteria and seeing several pregnant eighth grade girls. This was fairly common at my school, which they were aware of, resulting in several 'safe sex' dances where they'd pass out condoms and try to teach kids to wait until they were much older to … Continue reading Prey

When our voices are stolen from us, along with our self-worth, it's incredibly hard to push through our perceptions and have confidence. It's easy to see you were robbed of your voice and your power but somehow hard to know you're allowing yourself to remain powerless and unheard. I had to learn to prioritize joy … Continue reading The Blueprint

At a local college in an Ethic's class, students were tasked with choosing a morally persuasive sign to put on a broken vending machine in an effort to make customers take only what they've paid for. There were three options. Option one was, "STOP. This machine is being surveillance by cameras. Anyone caught stealing will … Continue reading Wild Justice

In my healing journey my two most helpful tools have been a change in perspective and self-evaluation. My foundation was built on bad habits which grew to places I'd hide in when things got tough, shoving me backwards each time I'd make any progress in my life. I was more concerned about being loved than … Continue reading My Undoing

Growing up is hard without self-realization but I think there comes a point in all our lives when we have to see the aftermath of where each of our choices has brought us. For me, it was a lot of emotional neglect and years of dissociation which left me insecure and struggling to properly take … Continue reading Revamp

It was very important to me to have a life I chose and didn't settle for. People tend to think that my life changed dramatically due to cancer, but that wasn't the case. All my life I have strived to be better and to do that I had to be strategic. People couldn't see my … Continue reading Finding the Will

Once my life finally got better I seemed to fall apart. It's like when someone runs away from danger for an entire night and finally succeeds, they sleep soundly for a few days knowing they're at peace from having outlived the chaos. That's how I felt in every area of my life. I didn't want … Continue reading The Reclusive Companion

It was one of those springs where it felt especially cold in the morning, but, reasonably warm at night. I remember the drastic temperature change one morning after sleeping in my car. The sharpness of the freezing dawn grabbed my face tight and pierced deep into my skin half numbing me, half stabbing me. I … Continue reading Zero

Growing up I often wished I had a tribe. I was alone a lot as a kid and was raised by television. At the time, I deeply wished I had the kind of family who would teach me life skills like: how to be financially independent, coping skills, that I am loved no matter what, … Continue reading Entrenched

I think it was when I started looking at the whole story, not just my story, that the power inside me changed. Before then, I had been heavy with a thick pain that draped over me and seeped inside me, half protecting me, half torturing me. At night I'd cry myself to sleep and then … Continue reading Efflorescence

I've come to believe I live in two separate worlds. The first is one of my general life. It's here that I go to work, shop, eat and go to the gym. This world values you based on how attractive you are, your achievements, your level of education, and your level of wealth. It is … Continue reading Wretched Roots

I have been broken many times in my life. I have felt the heavy breath of death, the consistent ache of loneliness and the echo of insignificance. I assure you, nothing in life hits you harder than vulnerability. When the physical beauty of you is gone and the body you once thought was strong and … Continue reading Reinvention